I was only four years old when 9/11 happened. I was four years old and living with my family on Birdbrook Road in Birmingham, England. Unsurprisingly I have no memory of the day that it the Twin Towers fell. I don't know what the New York skyline looked like as the two landmark towers fell to the ground, taking peoples' loved ones with them.
What I have seen is the skyline with Freedom Tower standing tall above everything that surrounds it. I've sat on Hoboken Pier and sobbed whilst looking at the single tower built after the wreckage of 9/11 was cleared.
I've sat and sobbed whilst looking at Freedom Tower across the water in the early hours of 12/12/15, wondering how when I'd wanted to die two years previously I'd survived. Yet the people in the Twin Towers, they were just going to work and did nothing to tempt death. How was I the one walking through the streets of New York, crying over the deaths of strangers I didn't know?
Guilt works in strange ways. It's irrational to feel guilty about surviving an overdose when those people died. I know that. I still feel guilty though.
So when I got home a few days later and took a few months to sort through my thoughts, I created this website. Because dammit if I'm going to live in this world where innocent people die, I'm going to do my best to minimise the wreckage. I'm going to live my life being the best version of myself that I can possibly be.
I don't know if there's any such thing as survivor's guilt surrounding an event that didn't impact the person directly, but honestly I feel like I owe it to the victims and their loved ones to leave this world a better place than I found it.
I hope you'll stand by me and help me out even if you don't have the same guilt motivating you as I have motivating me. I hope you still want to leave this world in a better state than you found it. And I hope you understand that we'll be far stronger and effect far more change if we work together.