"Anxiety about physical health?"

It's been a long month, but I can finally come clean about what's been happening with my health lately. After several months of red flags, I went to my GP for a breast examination and was referred for further investigation.

On Friday, I went to the mammography suite for a breast ultrasound, and I got the all clear - which is great in that I'm not dying any quicker than any other person. I mean it, I'm really, truly happy that it's not cancer. What I'm not happy about is that there wasn't even a cyst or benign growth found, because now I'm in a fair amount of pain with no end in sight.

The advice given was "take painkillers and stretch". Here's the problem there...I do stretch. I have to stretch. I have upper back pain and chronic sciatica - if I don't stretch, I can't walk. Then there's the painkillers. When it comes to over the counter painkillers, I can only take paracetamol. For several years now, I've reacted badly to anything containing codeine in that I end up in more pain than I started with. So, as you'd expect, I take paracetamol as little as I possibly can. I've got my tolerance down to a point where I can take paracetamol for a migraine.

The most annoying thing about it all? I'm surrounded by people saying "well at least you don't have to worry now!"

No, I don't have to worry that I'm a statistical anomaly when it comes to breast cancer. It doesn't mean that I'm not still worried, because I am. I don't have answers. So whilst friends and family are crying with relief that I'm "okay", I'm crying because I don't know what to do.

One thing's for sure, for the time being, I am not okay.


Thank you to my friends and family for being so supportive. I may seem ungrateful and rude right now, but please try to understand.
Thank you also to my readers who despite being left in the dark through all of this have been incredibly understanding and supportive when I was struggling to write and publish blog posts. Your patience means the world to me.

I will be okay, I'm just very angry at the world right now. I'm going to get through this, I just haven't worked out how yet.