"Crying?"

So...in a previous post I mentioned that I didn't used to cry much. I know...I know that it's not healthy to bottle emotions up - that's why it came out in the form of self harm. I've stopped self harming, and that suggests things have changed.

Well, they have changed. However, they didn't change as soon as I stopped self harming. In fact, it took nearly two years for things to change. They didn't change until I started allowing myself to form emotional bonds with people again. December saw a breakthrough. Hours before becoming an assault victim, I spent an hour sat by the Hudson river, sobbing with friends.

Now I cry regularly.

Here's a list (non-exhaustive) of things I've cried about recently:

-Christina Grimmie's shooting in Orlando
-The mass shooting in Orlando
-Approaching the end of my time in therapy
-Amanda Palmer doing a live webcast so we could all cry together
-Having friends
-The possibility of one day making money doing what I love
-Receiving validation from someone who matters to me
-The murder of Jo Cox
-Being spoken to gently when I was feeling fragile

That's all within the space of about a week. Admittedly, I've cried so much that I've had headaches pretty much every day because I can't keep up with replacing all the water that's leaking from my eyes...but it feels good to be able to express emotion.

I've finally come to realise that crying isn't something to be ashamed of. It's quite liberating, really.