Recently I've stopped waking up frantically gasping for air and crying hysterically. However, I am struggling to get to sleep, often finding myself still awake at 5 am. It's far from ideal, because often when I wake up, it's too late to get anything done outside of the house. I've missed final postage dates before Christmas, I'm possibly not going to get my last benefits payment of the year, etc., all because I keep oversleeping.
But despite the fact that I end up oversleeping, I'd rather not just lie in bed tossing and turning for hours until I eventually fall asleep. After all, I'd probably still oversleep and be exhausted the following day. The only difference would be I'd have more work to do.
So generally what I do is I work on projects, write blog posts, or watch the odd film. I'll flick through news sites to see if anything new has been said about mental health. In the past, I've even sat up through the night and re-branded the website. I'll check exchange rates to get an idea of whether my bills to U.S. companies will rise or fall, and I'll check flight prices out of sheer nosiness and the hope that one day I'll be able to travel again.
Or I'll have a night like last night where I watched Billy Connolly talking about Robin Williams, and how he kept phoning him to say "I love you" before he died. I ended up sobbing, heartbroken all over again. As much as I never knew Robin personally, his death shook me to my core.
Most of the time, though, I sit and wonder "what else can I do to improve the experiences of future generations?"
I'm doing the best I can right now, yet I'm always wondering what I can do next. What constitutes my best right now isn't always going to be my best, because I'm going to continue growing and gathering new experiences. I need to grow my endeavours in correlation with that.