Lately, my numbers have dropped. I know, it's not all about numbers...but when numbers mean sales and the entire future of your work depends on sales...the numbers become important.
It's 2am. I spent the afternoon and evening not knowing what to write. At the same time I felt as though saying "I'm in a sucky mood, my brain isn't playing ball right now, there's no post today" would be a bit of a cop-out.
So here we are. I think the last two posts I've made this week have been strong. This one...not so much. But here goes.
I dream of turning this website into a beacon of hope for people. From the start, all I've wanted to do is stand up and say "hey! I got through it! I'm still here. You can get through it too!"
And that's what I've been trying to do for nearly 8 months now. Sometimes it goes really well. Other times it doesn't. When it doesn't, it hurts. But I try to push on anyway.
I try to be a rock for those around me. I try to empower people to tell their story even when their voice shakes. I try to encourage people to stick around and keep fighting even when it feels as though there's a weight upon their chest. I try to be a living, breathing example of what it looks like to be a fighter.
Then I have days when I don't feel like fighting. It's at those points that the guilt and the doubt set in.
Today is one of those days I'm afraid.