I figure it's appropriate to answer this question right now. It's 11.30pm, and I've been awake since 3am. I'm a bit delirious and feel like I'm drunk even though the beers I drank last night at a gathering are well and truly out of my system. There's one good thing I can report - I drank far more than I usually would last night because of the circumstances, and the depression hasn't started to suffocate me, at least not yet anyway.
Last night I went to sleep around midnight after getting home at about 11pm and feeding the animals. I woke up at about 3am, chatted with a friend until about 4am via Facebook, and lay in bed staring at the ceiling until about 11am when mum phoned to tell me to make dad's lunch. Between 3am and 11am, I found myself drifting. I was in that place where I wasn't quite awake but I certainly wasn't asleep. I was exhausted.
When it came to getting up to make dad's lunch for him to take to work, I knew I would have to leave the house to go and get bread for sandwiches. I was also aware of the fact that I probably shouldn't leave the house without finding a way to make me look a little bit more alive. I'm used to sleeping about 10 hours in a day in order to be semi-functional when I get up; 3 hours of sleep just hadn't done the trick.
So I took a hot shower, at which point my aching muscles reminded me that at about 9.30pm the previous night I'd been dancing in a beer garden, acting the clown with a friend. I laughed, which, along with the shower, went a good way to making me feel a little more awake.
What I didn't do was the popular trick of drinking a vat of coffee. Tried that one in New York to help me tackle jet-lag. Caffeine and high anxiety levels don't work, and at the moment my anxiety is peaking once again.
Here's the thing, though: all of these things are temporary fixes. The only thing that's going to chase away this exhaustion is sleep. No amount of hot showers, cold drinks, or laughing is going to stop me wanting to lie down where I'm standing and take a nap. I'm hoping that when I do lie down tonight, I'm going to sleep. If not for 10 hours (which would be inconvenient at the moment, anyway) then at least for 6 hours. Anything to stop me yawning mid-sentence or stumbling around like I've been drinking all over again.
Exhaustion is one of those things. Occasionally the effects become so severe that they're actually what prevent you remedying the situation by sleeping. So it's important not to let it drag on for too long. Which is why I'm going to settle down as soon as I've written this post.
I hope you sleep well tonight. It's kind of important, especially if you're trying to stay motivated.