I'm going to make one thing clear before I start this post: I am talking about bad days, not about days where depression threatens to finish you off or anxiety seemingly steals all of the air from your lungs. That's different. I'm talking about days where everything feels as though it's crumbling around you.
This week I've had a couple such days. I've had a couple of people tell me, with a smile, that I'm an awful person because of a decision I made in relation to my own life. A decision that isn't hurting anyone, rather making me happy. A piece of my world crumbled.
That same day, I watched as Trump defended his bragging about assaulting women by calling it "locker room talk". I felt every bit of pain that I felt the day I was assaulted. I wondered if my assaulter had bragged to his friends about the things he had done to me. Part of my world crashed down beside me.
The following day, I woke up to an email telling me that something had been rearranged. I've yet to check, but this has potentially put a rather elaborate and well-thought-out plan on thin ice. Another piece of my world fell away.
I started a large transaction rolling for a friend. It remained "pending" for two hours. I phoned the bank; they couldn't see an authorisation request. I tried to contact the party I was sending the money to; no response. Eventually, the "pending" transaction disappeared. Thankfully the money was still in my account, but it didn't stop another crack appearing in my world.
I went to the post-box and found a "fee to pay" card from Royal Mail. A signed copy of a book I've been waiting to receive for approximately a month came with customs charges equal to the price of the book on Amazon. Waiting until I had more money wasn't an option; it would have been returned to the USA. As I paid the fee online, another piece of my world crumbled.
At the end of the day, I sat down, eager to have a catch-up with a close friend. After the last few days, a friendly face was exactly what I needed. I needed to cry with someone who "got it".
I looked at the time.
I climbed into bed and I had a damn good cry. I was tired, I needed one of my people, and because I'd allowed myself to get distracted, I didn't have any of my people.
It was a bad day.
So I dried my eyes and I told myself that the next day would be better. I would wake up, and I would smile. I wouldn't start my day reading an email that potentially spelled the end of something that hadn't yet started because that had already happened. Tomorrow would be better.
All we ever have is hope. We have to hope that the next day will be better than the one that brought us to our knees. We have to hope that nothing else happens that threatens to shatter our world. We have to keep moving forward.